A Future History of Twitter

Path: mv.asterisco.pt!mvalente
From: mfvale…@gmail.com (Mario Valente)
Newsgroups: mv
Subject: A Future History of Twitter
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 09 15:23:21 GMT

Mar 2006 – twitter is born
May 2006 – twitter launches
Jan 2007 – dedicated twitter clients
Feb 2007 – number of users starts exponential growth
Apr 2007 – Obama joins twitter
Sep 2007 – first impersonations/spoofs/fakes
Nov 2007 – businesses start using twitter
Dec 2007 – follower colection starts
Dec 2007 – people start using hashtags and @ to filter noise
Feb 2008 – twitter starts getting fail whales; cant handle Mac Expo
Apr 2008 – twitter spam and mass twitting starts
Jun 2008 – security measures for IDs/mass follow implemented by twitter
Jul 2008 – massive fail whales at twitter
Aug 2008 – twitter stops SMS, cant handle cost and load
Sep 2008 – people start using twitter as chat instead of status
Oct 2008 – twitter stops IM, cant handle load
Nov 2008 – twitter reaches 5 million users
Nov 2008 – twitter suffers 1st security/privacy breaches
Jan 2009 – celebrities, politicians and journalists invade twitter
Feb 2009 – spam and senseless chat increases
Feb 2009 – mvalente declares “Imminent death of Twitter, GIF at 11”, leaves twitter
Apr 2009 – Oprah joins twitter; tweets in CAPS; millions of soccers moms join
Apr 2009 – some 2nd grade actor achieves notoriety with 1st ever twitter id billboard
Sep 2009 – twitter implements groups
Oct 2009 – twitter starts banning groups with sexual content
Dec 2009 – twitter cant handle Xmas tweeting; goes distributed
Jan 2010 – twitter service providers appear promising “better” experience and uptimes
Feb 2010 – twitter implements aggresive filters and death penalty for spam originators
Feb 2010 – twitter suffers first netsplits
Mar 2010 – comercial twitter services appear; id squatting and selling
Apr 2010 – Scientology goes after dissenters tweets; twitter gets sued
May 2010 – mobile operators argue that tweeter should need a license; they FAIL
Jun 2010 – mobile operators sue twitter for monopoly/abuse and lost revenue
Jul 2010 – special twitter devices and mobile operator SMS gateways show up and FAIL
Jul 2010 – another massive income of clueless users due to lawsuit publicity
Aug 2010 – twitter starts realtime search
Aug 2010 – better spammers start following hashtags, spoofing popular ones
Aug 2010 – people go private with their ids/followers/twits
Aug 2010 – people start encrypting tweets
Sep 2010 – new search services start paying for access to ids/tweets
Oct 2010 – twitter gets acquired by Microsoft
Oct 2010 – Hugo Chavez organizes DDOS atack against twitter, says its the Devil
Dec 2010 – worms and trojan links become widespread in twitter
Jan 2011 – links for pirated movies/TV increase
Jan 2011 – Metallica sues twitter for linking to their latest album (another weak one)
Feb 2011 – Obama says he invented the twitter tubes;tweets nationalization of the internet
Mar 2011 – experiences on twitter with voting and twitter auctions FAIL
Apr 2011 – whispper service is announced; distributed personal twitterlike; no one notices
May 2011 – >90% of twitter is spam
Jun 2011 – twitters realtime search now has zero value due to private/encryption tweets
Sep 2011 – Microsoft writes off Twitter acquisition
Oct 2011 – people stop using twitter; move over to whispper

Any similarity with the history of email, Usenet, IRC or search engine
wars is a mere coincidence. Twitter, of course, is totally different, it
will change the world order and cure cancer.

— MV

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