An Android User Review of the Apple Non Event of Today

An Android user review of the Apple fanboy wanking circle non event of today:

 

Lets sum up the “innovations” vis a vis Android phones…

 

- blablabla, a bunch of marketoid numbers

 

- new Cards app. Really? Fuck me, you’re going into a business with lots of competitors and “innovating” in a dying paper industry? For 3 dollars a message? You’re joking right? Didnt you have something better to show? And to start the presentation?

 

- notifications now over Wifi+3G and dont interrupt your games. Kinda like the Android phones have had for a couple of years?

 

- a brand new app is Reminders. You must all be on some kind of strange drugs. A to-do app with notifications? To compete with, lets say, hundreds of free and paid apps in your appstore and in Androids appmarket? This only makes sense if you bought out the largest of those competitors.

 

- twitter integration. Oh boy what a thrill. Do you mean something like an Android application/twitter intent? But this integrates with ALL the apps. Yours only integrates with your built-in apps, is that it?

 

- the camera button is now the home button. You mean you cant configure what your home button is? There are hundreds of apps for that. In Android’s market.

 

- say I take a photo; icloud saves it to the cloud. Like Android sync to Google’s Picasa? Tell me something new please.

 

- I can see a list of all the albuns/songs I purchased. You couldnt do that before? Thanks god you’re provinding it for free.

 

- photostream; you can take pictures and they sync to the icloud. The same thing that my 2 year old Android phone has?

 

- documents created with ipad now sync to the cloud. Great. Thats called Google Docs.

 

- new app FindMyFriend. Unbeliavable. Are you going to compete with 4square, gowalla and a dozen others? You call that innovation?

 

- apple is providing 5Gb of free storage. I have 7Gb on Gmail, 1Gb on Google Docs, 1Gb in Picasa and unlimited storage for pics and movies in Google+. All for free. Dont make me laugh.

 

- now let you track runs and walks. Have you heard of RunKeeper? Please.

 

- You can have a Mickey Mouse face on the nano. I am going to cum. Not.

 

 

 

Lets delve into the iphone4S features:

 

- its a dual-core A5. Samsung Galaxy S2 anyone?

 

- battery time. I’ll concede this one. Android’s battery usage sucks. Even when you do the management yourself.

 

- 8 megapixel camera. Just like the HTC Droid Incredible? Wow. Unheard of.

 

- (a lot of shit about numbers; I thought Apple was all about quality and benefits and not about numbers and features. Guess I waw wrong)

 

- the camera is 1 second faster that the camera in Droid Bionic. I just hope you didnt select that Android phone as a “tweaked” benchmark. Maybe not.

 

- HD video recording. Samsung Galaxy SII. Nuff said. But that “temporal noise reduction” thing sounded cool.

 

- HDMI port. Surely you jest kind sirs. That’s Just like Motorola’s Droid, Droid X and Atrix.

 

 

 

Delving into Siri:

 

- for starters, words fail me.

 

- voice commands. Voice Actions for Android. http://www.google.com/mobile/voice-actions/ … Available since Aug 2010

 

- voice recognition search. Great. You’ve copied Google’s Voice Search.

 

- If you ask it “Who are you?” it says, “I am a humble personal assistant.”… Like I said. Words fail me.

 

- Siri is in beta. Holy cow! I tought you didnt release half-baked products. That that would compromise your standing for quality. But maybe “beta” transmits some sense of “this shit is innovative”.

 

- iphone pricing. Besides having fucked over your customers who bought an iphone4 in the last 6 months, those are great prices. Graded according to memory storage. The thing is, you see, most Android phones have an SD card slot. The users can change the factory storage. They can buy a 64Gb SD card for $84.99 at Amazon.

 

 

Final words: “When you look at each of these, they are great and fantastic and industry-leading in and of themselves,”

 

Cmon. You’re just using your alternate reality halo effect and the consensual halucination of your fanboys to pretend that your shit is “industry-leading”although its all copied from previous products.

 

Take away: it was a non-event. Guess we’ll have to wait for the iphone 5 to see which stuff you’ll be copying.

 

 

14 comments

  1. where can I give you the standing ovation…too funny

  2. lolol andas a destilar ódios?
    epá, realmente a montanha pariu um rato. cheira-me que o iphone 5 está atrasado e lançaram este para encher e para o natal.

    não deixa de ser um bom telemovel, tal como há muitos outros. sinceramente, eu não ia para o galaxy S II. acho-o demasiado grande. já o tive na mão e, sinceramente, não gostei.
    e o numero de megapixels não tem grande significado hoje em dia.
    mas sim, concordo ctg em que foi um lançamento muito mais fraco do que o esperado.

    disclaimer: tenho um telemovel android e também tenho bastantes defeitos a apontar ao android. tal como há defeitos a apontar ao iphone. não percebo o teu ódio visceral à coisa. ou é provocação para os fanboys?

    • >não percebo o teu ódio visceral à coisa. ou é provocação para os >fanboys?
      >

      Admiro o Steve Jobs. Tenho e uso Macs numa das minhas empresas desde 1996. Tenho uma NeXT em casa.

      O meu ódio visceral é mesmo aos fanboys de ultima hora, os q se converteram nos últimos 2 ou 3 anos e acham q são mais inteligentes q todos os outros.
      Esses e os geeks q andaram anos a dizer mal da Microsoft, q Unix/Linux é q era bom, e agora são mais uns dos convertidos. Em particular chateia-me a justificacao de “quero uma maquina q funcione, nao me quero chatear”. Ainda há uns anos atrás diziam que o “amigável” Mac era para quem nao tinha mãozinhas, tipo meninas e designers.

      Em suma: é para chamar os fanbois pelo nome.

      — MV

    • ter defeitos todos teem, só os iFanboys n veem e dizem “iPhone o melhor telemovel do mundo”, é um bom telemovel mas n vejo argumentos para tal, o marketing é bom, mas não caio nessa, pontos validos nessa pagina, sou um anti Apple mais por causa dos fanboys que defendem seus produtos (n devia mas me incomoda) de saber que tem pessoas tão burras no mundo

  3. Sadly, an android phone with white earphones doesn’t make you look like a douchebag, by far the biggest selling point of the Iphone.

  4. panis liker

    Your website sucks. So does your grammar.

    And the content is terrible.

    Go die in a hole.

    Also, making all the text have that “sunken into the page” look is absolutely the ugliest thing you could have done. It’s cool when used *sparsely*. When it’s all over, it’s seriously gay. It just makes everything look fuzzy.

  5. Anonymous Coward

    Holy fuck, you watched the whole thing?
    I’m an Apple fanboy and I couldn’t do it.

  6. Ana Cristina

    Continuo sem perceber porquê que há pessoas que detestam o teu blog e o que escreves, mas estão sempre aqui a ler. E melhor, ainda gastam tempo em “comentários”. Há de tudo mesmo!…

  7. Edgar Pereira

    Mario, I realize why the outrage by the new fan boys. It really seems they are just rich kids whose parents bought him the most expensive toy in the class and now nobody can point defects, although they have them.
    I’m not a user of any Apple products, I always used windows system in PC, Laptop or smartphone, but my last purchase fell to a smartphone with the Android OS, although if Apple launch a product with appealing quality / price ratio why not to buy it.
    The real question is, we need to know what is good or bad, nor only in computers or smartphones, but in everything we buy.

  8. So let me get this straight, to match all the features included in the 4S you compare it with 4 or 5 different models of Android phones?

    Wouldn’t actually call your post a review. Taken into account your sloppy spelling and insults, you sound like an Android fanboy.

    • >So let me get this straight, to match all the features included
      >in the 4S you compare it with 4 or 5 different models of
      >Android phones?
      >

      Yes, the point is to compare features and their originality. But if its too complicated for you, just compare the 4S to the Samsung Galaxy SII.

      >Wouldn’t actually call your post a review.
      >

      It isnt. Its a biased opinion-

      >Taken into account your sloppy spelling and insults,
      >you sound like an Android fanboy.
      >

      Or maybe its because I’m not a native English speaker.

      Taking into account your lack of real arguments and the recourse
      to point spelling mistakes, you sound like an Apple fanboy.

      — MV

      — MV

  9. I see you’re very emotional in your posts and replies. Mind you, your post is titled as a “review”, atleast you’re honest in admitting that you’re biased. Best of luck with your blog. Cheers